Help! I’m over 65 and Ageing.

 

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Have you noticed that on any forms you fill out, they have a box for 20-30; 30-40; 40-50; 50-65 (or similar)

When it comes to age 65, we are counted as +

What does that mean to you?

What it means to me is that society, in general, dismisses the over 65’s as a number when everything becomes indefinite.

Over 65’s, in general,  have become indefinite, written off, uncertain about the future, invisible.

But I am working on making certain that any of that will not apply to me.

Over 65 is an important passage in life, and in these modern days, we could still live another thirty or more years. That is a lot of years to dismiss eh?

What about you?

Is it time to change all that?

After all, if the Government want us to work until we are 70 or even more, why put 65+ on forms, some of which are important to our welfare, such as insurance.

What can you do as an individual? Could you be a spark to the fire that helps to change that thinking?

We will show them that there is no such thing as 65+

We are still an important number.

Many people in my circle are still coming up with visions and new enterprises for the future at age 65 +!

There are some Facebook groups that you could join, to help start the ball rolling. Ageing with Vitality and The Silver Tent are just two of them. There is also one called Humorous Ageing if laughing about it takes your fancy. Here are the links.

The Silver Tent for women over fifty.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1755706121345418/

Ageing with Vitality

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

Humorous Ageing

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1485161444859745/

Come on Baby Boomers, do your stuff, work your magic.

 

 

 

 

 

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Regular Eye Checks; Why?

Eye blue side

How often do you get your eyes checked?

 

 

  • Do you smoke?
  • Do you eat plenty of vegetables, especially the green ones?
  • Do you know how many people are blind in the UK?
  • Do you have parents or grandparents who have AMD?
  • Do you know what your risk is of getting AMD or any other visual impairment?

 

AMD (Age-related Macular Degeneration.) is becoming more common in the 21st Century because people are living longer.

Macular Degeneration as it is commonly known is the breaking down of the macula which is the part of the retina at the back of the eye that provides sharp central vision.

People with this condition can suffer increasingly blurred vision which leads to problems with reading printed or written text, colour, (particularly contrast) and difficulty recognising people’s faces. If you only have AMD and nothing else wrong with your eyes, you will not go completely blind. But you will lose your central vision.

There are other conditions with the eyes such as cataracts, glaucoma and Diabetic retinopathy. I recently heard a story about a chap who went for an eye test, and this was how he found out that he had Type 2 Diabetes. For an optometrist, our eyes are like reading a book. But as a friend of mine pointed out to me just today, you do need to be assertive and make sure that you ask the right questions, and what you can do about any conditions that they come across.

Also only today I heard of someone who had been scared by what the optometrist had said. That there is no cure for AMD and he was in the very early stages of the condition.

It did frighten me when the optometrist told me that I was in the early stages, but I put that fear into action by finding out what was available to help me. So don’t be put off by what they tell you, especially when they say there is no cure and there is nothing that can be done. They may be right that there is no cure, at least at the moment, but there is plenty that can be done to make life easier. I am afraid that many consultants and eye specialists have a habit of doing that, but they fail to point out that there is support available.

If you do find out that you have the early stages of AMD, you can take sensible precautions to take care of your eyes and help to slow up the process.

By wearing glasses or goggles and a hat to keep the sunlight out of your eyes. By learning what aids are available so that you stand a good chance of managing the condition.

So, the earlier you find out, the better. You may not notice anything wrong in your day to day life, except perhaps you may find that reading is blurred even with your reading glasses on. I found out from a regular eye check.

And don’t think that it is an old person condition, some people develop AMD in their twenties or thirties. I know someone who had junior onset AMD at the age of eight.

As a matter of interest here are some interesting facts for the UK. (You can google statistics or facts for your part of the world if you are not in the UK)

  • In the UK around 600,000 people currently have vision impairment caused by AMD, and around 70,000 new cases are diagnosed every year. (nearly 200 per day)
  • Over two million people in the UK live with sight loss.
  • Total sight loss in one eye is not counted against the legality of driving.
  • People with sight loss in one eye are not considered partially sighted.
  • Total sight loss is rare, only about 4% of people with vision impairment are totally blind.
  • Sight loss, in general, affects people of all ages but especially older people. 1 in 5 aged 75 and 1 in 2 aged 90. (This is in degrees of sight loss, from mild to being registered blind or partially sighted.
  • In the UK there are only 5000 guide dogs.
  • Every day more than 75 new people are formally registered blind or partially sighted.
  • 75% of blind and partially sighted people of working age are registered unemployed.

There are plenty more statistics that you can find, and some of them are quite revealing. Many people, including myself for many years before I had this condition, get confused when observing people with vision loss. They cannot understand why the person can see some things and not others.

I cannot go into the details here, but I have written some of what I experience as an example here;

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com/category/amd/

As far as the legality of driving is concerned, it is a minefield. The law may say that you are safe to drive with a vision impairment, in fact, some people with an impairment may be able to see the required reading of the number plate. But the insurance company’s may have something else to say about it.

For example, I was told twelve years ago that I could drive under the law. I have other things wrong with my eyes as well, and one of them is double vision when my eyes are tired. I was issued by the Eye Infirmary with a pair of glasses with one lens blacked out (don’t ask about the technicalities please!) and told that I could drive while wearing them. If I were in an accident, I would be covered by the insurance as long as I was wearing them. If I were not wearing them, then I would be liable.

No-one seemed to take into account that wearing them was a hazard for me because I could not see properly with them on. So I had to make a choice not to drive at all. Driving for me, just as it is for millions of people, was freedom and giving it up was painful. But not as much as if I had taken the risk and failed to drive safely.

The main purpose of this article is to point out how important it is to look after your eyes. The main cause of AMD is not known. But the contributing factors are genetic, diet and smoking.

It is a myth that we can get AMD from bad light or too much exposure to computers, etc. But UV light is a factor and another reason for protecting your eyes in the sunlight. The jury is still out on whether computer and smartphones can cause AMD, but there is evidence surfacing that you can suffer what is known as Digital Eye Strain. Eye strain, however, is not a contributing factor to AMD.

https://www.ft.com/content/435eef82-654e-11e6-8310-ecf0bddad227

Looking at my earlier reference to contributing factors, let’s look at the genetic factor more closely. The genetic factor is only an increased risk. It is not a guarantee that you will get it. But, if you have someone in your family, particularly your parents, with MD, then you need to be extra vigilant with eye care. CauliflowerGet plenty of green leafy vegetables which contain lutein and zeaxanthin, which are two antioxidants stored in the macula.

See more about this here:

http://www.cookinglight.com/eating-smart/nutrition-101/foods-for-eyes/spinach-kale-leafy-greens

As for the other two, diet and smoking; just give up smoking, and eat clean as well as including the green vegetables.

And last but certainly not least. GET YOUR EYES CHECKED REGULARLY. At least every two years. Don’t take your eyesight for granted.

One of the most difficult things for me as well as the other 600,000 people in the UK to come to terms with, is that except a miracle, my eyes are not going to get better than they are now, and they are going to get worse over time.

At the moment, because I have developed wet AMD, I am waiting for my eyes to get worse before I can begin to have injections to make them better. Don’t ask!

The only things that I can do are; to make sure that I get the nutrients I need; to shield my eyes from the sun; to eat clean and to take the supplements that I take, to try and slow up the progress.

It is important to stay positive and just let AMD be part of my life and not rule it! But that will take another article, and again let me refer you to the link for my other blogs on AMD.

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com/category/amd/

The other important issue for people with AMD is to get support. You can get it with the Macular Society. Tel 01264 350 551

https://www.macularsociety.org/?gclid=CL-fk6m66tQCFdYYGwodMnQCgA

I belong to the Macular Society, and there are groups that meet up all over the country in the UK.

And in the UK there is a support group to be found on Facebook here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/589067591220411/

And in the US:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/amdcommunity/

There are other support groups on Facebook.

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Why wait to be Happy?

 

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It is a chicken and egg situation.

Are you living for tomorrow and getting everything together hoping it will make you happy?

Or are you happy, and then everything starts to come together?

The latter is what is meant by living in the Now.

Many people spend every day trying to achieve things in the belief that one day everything will come together and at last they will be happy.

The shiny new car, the big house, meeting a partner, studying for qualifications and even trying to lose weight, are all in the future, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Indeed, there is everything right about it.

BUT be careful that in trying to achieve that utopia, you don’t lose everything that you already have.

Peace of mind, loving and being loved, being healthy, active and mindful, are all things that will help you to achieve what you want in future, but don’t sacrifice them along the way eh?

Be happy while you are being active in pursuing what you want.

Be aware of those around you who love you and want your company.

Be active and keep yourself fit.

Eat the right healthy foods and feed your body the proper nourishment.

Be mindful of that inner voice or source that is guiding you.

Be aware of the power of now.

Be happy and everything you want will be attracted to you because you will have created it that way. 

Namaste

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What is Your Ageing or Health Story?

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Are you struggling with weight?

Are you active enough?

Are you always at the doctors surgery?

Are you ageing with vitality?

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00O3HGHNK – http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00O3HGHNK                                  Are you bored?

I bet that you could find something that you really want to do or be, but you have a story that is holding you back.

It could be that you believe the reason why you are not able to achieve your goal is a genuine one. But why not just write THE END to the old story and begin a new one.

For example. You have contacted a friend and he or she has not answered. In your mind you think, she doesn’t like me anymore, or she is too busy for the likes of me, or I bet she’s out enjoying herself somewhere and doesn’t care. When you eventually find out that she had lost her phone, or was with someone and could not be disturbed, there is sigh of relief and you realise that what you did was to make up a story. And every time a similar circumstance comes up, you re-write the old story.

Let’s  take a problem such as losing weight. It could be that you have tried every diet under the sun and it has not worked. So you have given up trying. How true is your story? Have you really tried every diet under the sun? And if you think that you have, could there be another way, other than dieting?

Take activity, you may have persuaded yourself that you are an active person and that you get plenty of exercise. You go to the gym, or have tried that, but it makes you so tired and hungry that have given it up as a dead loss. Have you thought of trying another way rather than just giving up?

Visiting the doctor for every little ache, pain or concern, can be a bad habit. Or it could be that you are bored. Or it could be that it is your hobby in life to talk about illness instead of just finding out what your condition is, research it, deal with it the best way possible, put it on the back burner and get on with your life.

Are you feeling your age? Do you feel older than your years? Are you blaming everything on your age?

Are you really bored or are you just lifeless with no motivation?

Or are you still living the old story?

I have just watched a Tony Robbins talk on TV in which he talks about how to win in life. He talks about motivation, strategy and how to infuence people, but he reckons that the single biggest thing that holds people back is their story.

What is yours?

What is really stopping you?

Are you telling the same story over and over again in life and not even considering that you could change it?

You do have a choice! You can change it!

What ever you may be feeling that you stuck in, or a failure at, how could you change the story?

Put a stop to procrastination, fear and using your old story as an excuse.

If you are stuck in the old story with your weight, or any food issues, there are two reports that you can obtain FREE with no subscription sign up, and I promise that you will not hear any more from me unless you want to, if you just write to me by email and request one or the other or even both. They are;

Binge Eating and Weight Management

1

My Secret WM Strategy

 

 

 

 

Or you can purchase any of the three books below from Amazon.

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http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00O3HGHNK

– http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00O3HGHNK

…………………………………………………………………………………….

25 diets 3d cover

 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00P947GLS
– http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00P947GLS

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http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011L100OC

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B011L100OC

……………………………………………………………………………..

 

To help change your Ageing story, have a look at the Facebook group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

Join in the conversation, put up posts and ideas, we would love to see you there.

There is also a FREE report on Ageing if you subscribe to my blogs on

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com

There will be a new “Ageing with Vitality” book in the new year.

Namaste.

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Berries and Ageing with Vitality

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What on earth has berries got to do with ageing you may ask?

A lot actually!

Firstly they are the best fruit that you can eat.

For more on the low down on berries see this link; http://www.mnn.com/food/healthy-eating/stories/superfoods-11-berries-to-improve-your-health

In this report, (and you will find a similar story in many others,) Melissa Breyer points out that reserachers have revealed that women who eat strawberries three times a week have less chance of heart attacks. This is because berries have high concentrations of anthocyanin.Pair of red wet cherry fruit on stem with green leaf isolated on white

She goes on to say that women who eat berries experience a slower decline in mental health.

Whilst I am somewhat sceptical of studies, unless I find out how, who or why they were done, the overall conclusion is that they are certainly good for us.

But there is also another connection with berries and ageing.

cherry blossom

The same berries back in the spring were blossoms!

So it is with life. When we are young our bodies are blossoming and have a special beauty. We gaze at the trees in spring and wonder at the colour and splendour, just as we do with young beauty in animals and humans.

The blossom doesn’t last for very long though. A brief month and it falls to the ground leaving a carpet, whilst the tree or bush is left with the core, which grows and matures to a fruit or berry.

Besides a beauty of its own, the berry contains all the goodness, for sustenance for a good and healthy life.

Eventually it is plucked and eaten, or it drops off and becomes the seed for a new bush or tree to grow.

Chestnuts or any seeds and berries that you can think of, have this ability.

Dont forget the mighty oak is grown from a little acorn too. DSC_0079

So too, our ageing process can be of use to planet Earth.

What seeds will you sow in your later years? 

Will you be vital, creative and nurturing?

Will you recognise the beauty of old age?

Will you leave a fruitful and lasting legacy? 

If I have captured your imagination, you can find out more, on my website

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com

Or we would love to see you in the Facebook group.

Ageing with Vitality.

Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

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Food; Friend, Fun or Foe?

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For over forty years, I considered myself a victim. To;

  • My Self Image
  • My ugly body
  • The fat on my body
  • Foods that just triggered me off
  • A compulsion to just carry on eating, even when fullSodDieting
  • Dieting to get rid of the fat and feelings of loathing
  • Calorie counting
  • Fat units
  • Food intolerance
  • Addiction
  • My fat belly

It took me nearly a life time to discover the root of why I have always had this battle. One of them being that as a child I was always being told to tuck my tummy in, and as a 14 year old I was issued with a corset to keep it in.

This message was not only coming to me from my Mother, but from my gran and also a teacher at school who was the ring leader in calling me GubGub after the pig in Dr Dolittles adventures.

I don’t blame any of them now, but I did for a long time, even of I was unaware of it.

Many new regimes of eating in our modern days, look at the physical side of control. But there is another deeper side to it all. Much like trying to run a car that keeps breaking down. Just filling it with more fuel, or a different type of fuel, will not fix the problem if it is the battery that is flat. So it is with humans. If we keep just thrusting down feelings, memories and resentment, we will never get to the root of the problem. Our batteries will always be flat.

Getting into the right place is not necessarily just about looking great. When we have an “inner” glow, we can look fantastic.

Part of my inner work that freed me up was forgiveness for all those people who gave me a false message, which I lived by.

I have had quite a journey over the years, some of it exciting, some not, but always challenging.

It is a wonderful thing to be free of the tyranny of forever worrying about my shape and my looks.

How do you go about finding that inner glow, which gives you confidence in yourself, and frees you up from the necessity of the “Forever Diet?”

I would love to hear your comments.

Either here, or perhaps on my Facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/PatriciaCherryWriterandLifeCoach

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http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011L100OC

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B011L100OC

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Pollyanna is Ageing With Vitality!

 

 

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Are you going to decide to Age with Vitality as a Pollyanna?

Wikepedia has this to say; The Pollyanna principle is the tendency ConsciousAgingLogofor people to remember pleasant items more acuurately than unpleasant ones. Research indicates that, at the subconscious level, the mind has a tendency to focus on the optimistic, while at the conscious level, it has a tendency to focus on the negative. 

Pollyanna was a best selling novel by
Eleanor H. Porter in 1913, and became a famous film in the 1960’s.

It was about a little girl called Pollyanna who got on everyones nerves, for seeing the good side of people, and the bright side of everything.

Two Grans.,
Two Grans.,

Here are a couple of Pollyannas from 1950. (My two grandmothers)

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And here are a couple more from the 2015’s! (Me with a friend.)

Yet you know, it is actually a wonderful enhancement to your life if you can see the bright side of things.

The ageing process can be so much more positive if you can “count your blessings.”

I have a 90 year old friend who has had three four major surgerys in the last twenty years. Three of them for cancerous tumours and one triple heart bypass. She was 85 when they did this last one. Yet people love to visit her and we all had a wonderful time at her recent 90th birthday celebrations.

Yes, she has had tough times, and yes she has had her moments when it has been a real struggle. I have often left her in tears and feeling down. But I can go back to check on her after a couple of hours, and she is a different woman. Why?

She has the capability of “Giving herself a good talking to!” Her words, not mine.

She sits and remembers all the good things. The wonderful patient nursing staff, the skill of the surgeons and friends who visit. (She has no family)

And guess what? People love to visit her. The surgeon decided that he was willing to take the risk of doing heart surgery on this Elder lady, because of her attitude and being young at heart.

She is funny and says that she came kicking and screaming into the 21st century!

Another lady I know sits and moans at everything and says what an awful life this is and wishes she was dead. She has had no major illness, just the usual things that a 93 year old can expect. Guess What? She is lonely and has driven everyone away.

The message today then is don’t be afraid of being called a Pollyanna.

Be grateful, be kind, be wise, be an Elder who people want to be with. That in turn will enhance your own health and well being.

So may Pollyanna reign in her days of Eldership!

Join in the conversation or ask questions on the Facebook group page,

“Ageing With Vitality.” https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

 

 

 

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How to Forgive & Ageing with Vitality.

 

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After looking at how important forgiveness can be to our wellbeing (in the previous blog,)it would help of course if someone could tell us “how”.

We are told so much about the need for forgiveness, but knowing how to do it is half the battle.

There is a lot more to this discussion than be can be put into a blog, so I have now started an Ageing With Vitality group on Facebook, in which you can ask questions. I would love to see you there, and will endeavour to answer them, but also you may find that others can answer too. That is what the group is all about. Sharing our ideas and quandries.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

I must say at this point that I “do understand how hard it is to forgive” I have been there and there is still stuff coming up every day for me to forgive, both from the past and the present.

For the purpose of today’s topic then some of the practices that I have come accross are as follows;

Meditation. Spend some time simply dwelling on the person and episode in question. Think again about the smells, environment, who was present and the outcome. Home in on what there was about the episode that was hurtful. Then think about the outcome for you. Meditate on this and decide out of the whole thing what you would find easiest to forgive.

For example; If you are still upset and hurt over your divorce or your partner leaving you, you will be thinking in general about the “whole” episode. If you can break this episode down into smaller parts, such as a certain thing they said or did, then you can practice forgiveness for that one thing, rather than trying to forgive the whole episode.

If you have been abused or cheated on, break it down into small incidents and work on one at a time. Trying to tackle the whole thing at once, without proper “training” is like trying to climb a mountain without the proper equipment and knowledge.

A little like learning to drive, you learn one action at a time, then you build it up into being a competent driver.

Here is the link to what Wayne Dyer has to say about forgiveness.

http://www.drwaynedyer.com/blog/how-to-forgive-someone-in-15-steps/

He talks about moving on, understanding yourself, being like water and in the flow, (it stagnates when it is not in the flow), reconnecting with spirit and being kind rather than being right.

Also understand that you have a vital part in forgiving others.

By not forgiving, you are perpetuating an energy of resentment and bitterness towards yourself and everyone else around you.

I am sure that there are many other ways to practice the art of forgiveness and it would be good to discuss them in the group.

A favourite way for me is something called Ho’oponopono.

A simple technique, using four sentences.

  • I’m sorry
  • Please forgive me (as I forgive you)
  • Thank you
  • I love you

You can say it in any order.

What? I hear you say, why am I having to say sorry?

Remember what I said about you perpetuating unforgiveness by not forgiving.

I’m sorry, means that you are sorry that you are perpetuating unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness by not forgiving.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY THIS OUT LOUD

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY IT TO THE PERSON.

All you have to do is to say it quietly with a picture in your mind of the thing or person that you are forgiving.

My design Keep your eye.An important thing to remember with unforgiveness is that often the person concerned has moved on with their life and could be unaware, or has forgotten or frankly could not care less. You are the one who is stuck! This is another reason why forgiving the person will free YOU up. It will be your liberty.

Please read more about ho’oponopono on this link.

http://www.lucid-mind-center.com/hooponopono-method.html

In the next blog I will be looking at how to forgive yourself.

Meanwhile, don’t forget to come along and join the group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Ageing with Forgiveness

 

 

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Unforgiveness is one of the biggest blocks to freedom. Particularly as we age. To become a wise and joyful Elder, we need to come to grips with this important aspect of our lives.

Right from when we are born, we experience hurt and damage to our body, spirit and mind, mostly from the circumstances and other people in our lives.This may be bullying, misconceived parenting, religion, cultural ideas, peers, siblings, friends and even from those who love us.

No one cannot go through life without damaging experiences, and many of us carry these experiences throughout life. Even bad experiences later in life, can do untold damage.

For many years the Fruedian idea of how damage being done to us, is the cause of who we become, and that there is no turning back. This has been the basis of Therapy, the cause of illness, and spending immeasurable amounts of time and money on our “Inner child”. Particularly the “hurt inner child”.

Untitled-1Whilst this can happen, there never seems to be an answer to the question of “How can I change it!” Cognitive behaviour therapy, (CBT) has been successful in some cases, and is the most popular way of getting over hurts and behaviour, but this is only touching the surface, or the “outer” person.

To really get over things and make changes, there needs to be more work done by the individual themselves and this is why life coaching is becoming a powerful tool. Life coaching is the tool used by people when they want to move on, once they get over a major life change, such as losing a job, bereavement, divorce, retirement, and often when people just feel “stuck” and don’t know where to go next.

In most cases the reason why people cannot move on is that they are not taught how to forgive or what it really means, and that forgiveness can be the first step to moving on with their lives. In the case of ageing, it certainly needs to be dealt with if we are not going to carry bitterness and resentment into our vulnerable older years.

Have you ever thought that you need to forgive yourself?

You could be surprised at how much resentment you are carrying around towards yourself. At the bottom of this anger and resentment you could be carrying unforgiveness around just for being human!

Everyone makes errors or judgment, being unkind, saying hurtful things, playing jokes on others at school, telling lies and so on. These human errors are almost impossible to keep a record of.

It may be something that you did that was quite a major incident in your life and had disastrous, life changing effects on yourself or others.

You could be carrying this around and it is affecting everything you do in the present time.

It is just the same as resentment and unforgiveness to others.

When you did your Life Review from my post “Expectations and Consciousness in Ageing”, you may have uncovered stuff about hurts and pain. You may also have something that happened in the past that you talk a lot about, or that you think a lot about. That one will be obvious.

SDC13676In any case, sit quietly or go for a walk on your own and think about what you would like to be “rid of” with memories and overuling resentments. Would you really like to be free of these?

Let’s look at what forgiveness really is!

Forgiveness is misconstrued in our society and beliefs. It certainly was for me, until I learnt one important componant that made it easier for me.

The following quotes are extracts from “The Art and Science of Forgiveness” by Frederick Luskin, PhD and featured in a book called Consciousness and Healing.

“Forgiveness in no way means you have to reconcile with someone who treated you badly. I see this confusion over and over in the work that I do. For example, if you were the recipient of childhood abuse, or are in a harsh relationship, you can forgive the offender and, as part of that choice, make the decision to end or limit contact. Forgiveness is primarily for creating your peace of mind. It is to create healing in your life and return you to a state in which you can live and be capable again of trust and love.”

He goes on to say;

” Another misconception is that it depends on whether or not the abuser or lying person apologizes, wants you back, or changes his or her ways. If another person’s poor behaviour was the primary determinent for your healing, then the unkind and selfish people in your life would retain power over you indefinitely.  In another vein, you can forgive your ex-spouse for his or her insulting speech and even abandoning you or your children, but forgiveness in no way means you do not take your ex to court to make sure your children get the support payments to which you are entitled. Forgiveness and justice are not the same! You can seek justice with an open heart as well as a bitter one.”

In other words you can forgive without condoning the behaviour that hurt you.

” Lastly, forgiveness does not mean that we forget what happened to us in our urge to move forward and get on with our lives. It is ludicrous to expect anyone who has been badly hurt not to remember the wound.”

Luskin does not suggest that you dwell on your greivances. Jesus said that we need to forgive not just 7 times, but 70 times 70.

This simply means that everytime you remember the hurt, just say to yourself that you have forgiven.

I found this information a liberating and life changing experience. Like other people I have had some major hurts in my life and spent many years believing that I could not forgive the people who hurt me, because that would mean that I had to forget and reconcile, and write to the person to tell them that I had forgiven.

But then I realised that it was inner work that I needed to do and as long as I held unforgiveness, I was also holding onto the hurt. I learnt that letting go of the hurt did not mean I needed to put it in the past and forget about it.

Now I simpy do as Luskin and many others suggest, I simply forgive the person over again.

In the next blog we will look at HOW TO FORGIVE. This is something that is not talked a lot about. It can also be a stumbling block, so make sure that you “tune in” again to the next one on Forgiveness and Ageing.

 

 

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Ageing and Healing the Past.

 

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For many people writing a life review can be challenging and may have prove to be a painful experience. Looking at the past can bring up emotions that you may have been carrying for most of your life and been unaware of.

On the other hand, many people also live their present day life believing that their past experiences are what made them the person that they are today. This is true of course, but if you don’t heal a painful past, you can let it rule your future.

You can still be the abused child, or the bullied teenager, or even the unhappy partner in a soured relationship. Without healing you can carry the past into the future and stay stuck there for the rest of your life.

This can be a very powerful and controlling factor to carry with you, often without realising that you are doing it.

The new relationship can be soured because maybe a disagreement brings up old stuff about the old relationship.

A new career may be threatened by something that happens or is said that reminds you of the old boss or something that you perceived as failure on your part.

The bullied tenager may still be with you many years later when you want to join a football team, but you can’t pluck up the courage to do it.

Many people who were bankrupt in the past, carry a sense of failure around with them for the rest of their lives where money is concerned.

I have witnessed many very old people who carry their past around with them, and become bitter and twisted and alienate everyone around them, including their carers.

Working with them as a carer taught me the importance of healing the past.

What I also witnessed was that the kindest and happiest people in those environments were the ones that attracted people to them.

You need to do this while you can, and the sooner you start the better. If you wait until you are older, you may become too incapacitated to do anything about it.

iStock_000002366515SmallDo it now and your older years can be a time of great peace and joy. Make them your golden years. Dried leaves in the autumn have a beauty of their own. 

If you are reading this then you are well on your way to doing it. Or you may be reading it because you are concerned about someone elses peace of mind in their older years, and don’t quite know how to help them. A word of caution here though, remember that you cannot do it for them.

The process of healing the past cannot happen overnight. But it can happen!

It will be a bit like peeling an onion. You will deal with one thing and then something else that has been hidden underneath may come up. But don’t let that put you off.

It will be such a wonderful tranformative experience, that your new sense of freedom and joy will be almost addictive.

For today, look again at the experiences that brought up the painful stuff that you wrote down from the previous blog, and see which one you feel is the easiest one to deal with.

An essential part of healing the past is forgiveness. Look at the people who were concerned in this relatively easy one, and ask yourself if you can or have forgiven them. Including yourself.

The next blog will be looking at forgiveness. What seems an impossible task, can be done with some work on your part, but it is not such hard work as you may believe.

It will certainly help towards your journey of Healing the Past and Ageing with Vitality, health and peace of mind. Which in turn will bring you joy, peace and love not only to you, but to others around you.

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